What I have written is lengthy, so please carve out some time to fully focus on the message I am conveying. I am confident that what I wrote will in some way be a touchstone in your life. I trust you’ll find it of value in your life.

Photo by delfi de la Rua on Unsplash

A WALKING ZOMBIE
September 21, 2006, was a beautiful day like most in Sydney, Australia. And I was thankful, especially since I had a ticket to fly home to the USA for an extended visit with my parents, children, and grandchildren.

After nearly 18 months of living in the quaint little beach and college town of Coogee, I began withdrawing, developed an immense fear of walking outside alone, and each time I closed my eyes to sleep, my body jerked, waking me. Difficulty adjusting to cultural change, my family at a distance of ten thousand miles and intense training for six months for a Miss Figure competition undoubtedly contributed to my becoming a walking zombie.

My husband did not understand. Neither did I. But, I was aware enough to know a severe infraction was taking place with my emotional health, and that I was unable to make a healthy decision. I picked up the phone with shaking hands and woke my mom from her sleep.

“Help me, mom. I don’t know what to do.”

I could not stop crying, and my body shook from head to toe with anxiety.

Mom answered, “Come home for a visit. See a doctor.”

Petrified to be alone, the next morning we pulled up to the entrance of United Airlines at Sydney International Airport. There was a deafening silence on the ride. After my bags were unloaded and placed on the sidewalk, we said goodbye. I stood on the sidewalk clothed in diamonds with my Louis Vuitton weighing down my shoulder, watching as he drove away, hoping he was looking back at me. He was not.

I WAS FOUND
Crushed with sorrow and grief in the darkest, most shattered moment of my life, I was lifted out of the darkness into the light by a strength I could never muster. My heart was broken into a million pieces, but I could breathe again.

On January 1, 2007, I surrendered my life to Jesus Christ.
And, peace far beyond my understanding washed over me. It changed the filter for every decision.

I AM AN OVERCOMER
No matter what comes against me; I chose to get up and go again. I am a living breathing example of the little engine that could. My old life dried me up like a drought-stricken riverbed, but I not only survived, I overcame the fallout of numerous dysfunctional relationships that confirmed I was nothing. I experienced the revelation that nothing I’d been through compared to the persecution, abuse and scorning that Christ encountered while walking on earth. I realized in that season that my life before knowing Him was me standing at the cross piercing His side with the sword. I broke His heart more than my heart was broken. And even with that, He met me at the well, told me everything I’d ever done and out of love reached to me first giving me a drink. It was the best tasting water ever to pass through my lips. So pure, refreshing and quenching. The dried up riverbed began to fill with water and came to LIFE. It is true that He is close to the broken-hearted.

I PUT MY STAKE IN THE GROUND
Andy Stanley has a saying; recovery begins with me. I took that earnestly and set myself on a course of discipline and choices that the living Christ who now lives within me directed.

As my life changed, my children’s lives changed. I started Pieces of the Heart, a ministry for women who were going through the same thing I had experienced. Look, I was being led by a power greater than me. And I was scared, but I opened my home to these hurting women. The funny part of it is that they helped me more than I helped them and I experienced the gift of God in knowing that giving is the greater blessing.

I spent nearly every waking moment and many nights getting to know this new way of life. The only model I had was Jesus. So I sat and learned from Him, and I continued toward fulfilling the vision of helping others know Truth and love the best way I knew. My focus was to learn so I could share what I was learning.

Three years time were filled pouring over journals and extracting the story of my life. With the help of many friends, we narrowed nearly a thousand pages to two hundred and put it into some semblance of order. Since we can only maintain for a time without income, I elected to sell my home, to keep from losing my investment to the bank. I bought at the top of the market in 2008 and was selling at the bottom in 2013. I called a friend to list my home. We sat down together working through the details, prayed and left timing in the hands of God. My beautiful home sold within thirty days of listing. With no understanding of why all this was happening and where I would go next. I wondered if I might be one of the homeless on the street whom I had come to love and know. But I was proven wrong, and in the course of that season, I learned complete dependence upon our heavenly Father. He and His people, my brothers and sisters, my new family, never failed to make a way.

Through kindness and generosity, I received the gifts of work and guidance for continuing the journey. I did incur some debt for the first time in fifteen years, and I hated it. That propelled me to learn to live and work smarter to wipe that clean. It wasn’t easy. It meant sacrificing many of the things I was accustomed to having and giving. If I was going to follow my dream, living out of one bedroom was my only option.

I BECAME A MINIMALIST
I purposely eliminated everything that is not necessary. I’ve progressively lived with less over the course of the last five years. Part of my charge was due to a lack of greater resources, but the larger part flowed from a deep calling to follow where I wholly believe Jesus was leading me. You’ve probably seen a child throw himself around on the floor in a tantrum, kicking and screaming. My mom will tell you I did that as a child. I’ll confess I’ve had moments like that as an adult. But in my later years, the Lord taught me that He wanted me free of any unhealthy attachments so I could enjoy remarkable moments with Him and others. So, I let things go—the big house, luxury car and my expensive jewelry acquired over the years.

I ORGANICALLY BECAME A FREELANCER
After meeting a gentleman at a CRU event, and through his generosity, I went through Lifework Leadership’s 8-month leadership series while simultaneously working with them as Program Administrator. Three years in, the organization approached their five-year mark, and the leadership team collectively agreed to pause, reflect and restructure the model. They officially announced the news in August 2016. At the time, they were my only freelance relationship except for my coaching relationships.

I had saved a little money for taxes, but used that to live on and trusted the next opportunity to come. I already learned that when one door closes, a new one opens. So, I patiently waited with great promise. And two and half months later, I asked friends, “What you do when you hit $0?”

There were many ideas, but the one that most resonated with my heart and mind was, “this must be the time to move forward with the non-profit to serve women from abusive backgrounds.” So I began diligently working sending out a few campaigns to raise awareness and develop end of the year funds to build the foundation. I also did a personal Go-Fund-Me to fill the gap while waiting for the next door to open. Many who I thought might help didn’t and those I didn’t think about did.

LIVING IN ABUNDANCE
That was November 1, 2016. I wrote across a blank page in my journal that day, Life of Abundance, may you prosper as your soul prospers. Hit $0. Ten months later, thanks to answered prayer and two of my friends, who out of love extended a hand to help me get back on my feet, my freelancing restarted. Over ten months, I consistently progressed toward the green light, where I have enough to pay bills, save, and enjoy life. I’m currently in the middle, at the yellow light. As my friend thought leader and author, Jason Montoya, shares in his book, Path of the Freelancer, yellow light standing is enough to cover our bills with a little left over.

Being a solopreneur requires taking high risks and wearing many hats. Taking risks is something my nearly sixty years of living taught and prepared me to do. While I love that freelancing means we can create our work around our life plan; I also love the opportunities I have to collaborate with others on different projects. This gives me the opportunity to generate work for others. And that makes me happier.

I WROTE MY EULOGY
I spoke earlier about wanting to leave a new legacy. If you have read my book, Desperate for Love, you will know why. So, in the Spring of 2008, I took an eight-week beach sabbatical. Most of my time was spent absorbing the gold nuggets in Tommy Newberry’s book; Success is not An Accident. His book takes one through a series of exercises, and there was one that profoundly changed the direction of my life. I wrote the inscription I want on my tombstone and my eulogy, as I want people to remember me when I am gone. I know that might sound morbid. We do all die, right? Doing this gave me a sense of direction. I knew where I wanted to end before I got started. 

Knowing that became the filter for my decisions and direction. It helped me see where I needed to grow and where I was making the mark. Not only has it been a catalyst for change in my life but my children and grandchildren lives continuously benefit from the outcome of the Eulogy exercise. That makes me a happy mama and grandmama. I took the stand and did the work because I want the next generations to have a new legacy. I want them to have all the freedom promised through the life of Christ. I want my family to be free in all areas of life. It takes a lot of focus and surrender. We are getting closer every day.

WHAT DOES ALL THIS MEAN?
Why have I told you these things you might not know about me? The ultimate freedom I hope for all people is knowing they can overcome anything, confidence in their real purpose, and walking that out with boldness and courage to share the Truth in love to all individuals. I gained that through surrender, loving God and all people and seeking His way versus my own.

I define L.I.F.E as living in freedom every day. It frees us from all that holds us back without a license to do whatever our human nature tells us to do.

It is a dance. We learn step by step as we grow and develop. Once we know the steps, we can usually dance along uninterrupted; but if we derail, we can pick back up and press on because we know the steps.

Broken relationships, promises, and a lack of knowing how to effectively communicate and love well filled the generations before me and those patterns carried forward in my life.

What was brought forward in your life?

Are you ready to put your stake in the ground? 

What will your new legacy be? 

What steps can you take to leave a mark that will imprint forever in your life and the coming generations?

Photo Captured In The Moment By Allison Miller

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Featured image by Meiying Ng on Unsplash