The following is from a message I gave at Across The Bridge in December 2022.
It’s no secret that I’ve matched the woman at the well with my story. For those of you who don’t know my story, I met Jesus at the well after multiple marriages. It’s where He gave me living water and I’ve been running to tell everyone about Him since that time!
In my book, Desperate for Love, I wrote about my old life of being adrift, living recklessly, and being rescued and awakened to true love. It’s been eight years since my book was published.
Two Significant Life Lessons I Shared
In my book, I share the story of my rescue and awakening. I did not know before it happened that our heavenly Father is a pursuer of us and that He has good things for us. So, my heart overflows to share a few things He has taught me about Him, His love for us, and walking with Him.
I can only speak to you about what the Lord has done in me.
When I opened my heart to Him and drew close to Him, He started drawing closer to me. By His grace, He did not let me go. What He has worked in me was worked because I laid at the foot of the cross. I walked through every step with Him. I know them, I have lived them. There is great power in the overall pointing of His word–it is real. Scripture is where I turned for transformation, getting to know him, understanding what He can do, and believing it. Now, I look at Him, He knows me, and I know Him. It is such a beautiful thing He does. In His timing, He brings forth healing and deliverance.
The greatest thing I have learned is about His love. When I learned about Jesus, who He is, the life He lived on earth, and all He did for us through his death, resurrection, and ascension, I was shown that we are created and designed to desire love. We all come from different backgrounds of dysfunction, and we all have these distorted lens through which we view our and others’ lives. But our sight changes when we get intimately close to Jesus. I remember praying that God would give me eyes to see His love and that He would lay His heart over mine so I could love as He does. Of course, I’m human, so there is always room for growth. I’m grateful that I am constantly being perfected.
My greatest desire is to keep my eyes set on Him and to keep my heart open for Him. By seeking Him and His way first in everything to do with my life, He transforms the way I think, speak, and behave.
After experiencing times of following His way, even if it didn’t make sense, it worked out best for me. These were faith-builders. God was so gracious and gently teaching me that I have a choice in everything. If I choose His way, life will go better for me. I don’t mean it’s a straight road without mountains or valleys. I mean, His way proves to be best no matter what!
I Keep My Eyes on Jesus
It diminishes the size of any problem. I used to beat myself up and feel like such a failure. From the time I was a child, I had numerous self-defeating thoughts, nightmares, and tantrums. I literally rolled on the floor as a child reiterating, “nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I’m gonna eat some worms.” I don’t know where I learned that, but I believe it was from an evil influence. Growing up I had the same nightmare every time I went to sleep until one night when it suddenly stopped after coming to know Jesus.
The dream was of me running through the pasture at my grandmother’s 200-acre farm. A very angry bull was chasing me with the intent of goring me. For decades I woke deeply frightened with my heart racing, not finishing the dream. But one night early in my new life of knowing Jesus, I was running hard to get away, with the bull right behind me. I could see the fence line and wasn’t sure how I could escape (this is where I usually woke up). To my surprise, this night I jumped the fence! And instead of running, I turned around and stared that giant snorting stomping bull right in the eyes. And it was a miracle.
When I stopped, turned around to face him, and looked that bull right in the eyes, it released the power of fear from me (and the bull went on his way)!
I Face My Giants
I pray daily. I mean as soon as my eyes open I ask for help in my walk so that I remain in His will (because I have messed up a lot choosing my way).
Through my close and sweet relationship with Jesus I came to understand the meaning of that Bull dream. I believe with all my heart God was showing me to face my enemies, my trials and challenges. I can be courageous and strong because I know that He is with me and will fight for me. And that’s the way I started living. Rather than being scared and running, I face enemies, challenges, and trials. I embrace them knowing God has something good for me. I lean into them with healthy boundaries. This empowers me to make wise and healthy choices for my life, that don’t harm me.
I know God is with me and what the enemy means to harm me with, God uses for my good!
New Creation
I am no longer any of those things I thought I was in my old life. It was all lies. Today, I am a new creation. There are many layers to our healing. And through that, He reveals gifts and talents we could never imagine. I am no longer desperate for love but living in the love of our Heavenly Father in a beautiful free place as His daughter who creates through writing, art, and speaking of the glorious deeds He has done.
Jesus is The Way, The Truth, and The Life. With His boundaries, love, and protection, we are free to abide in Truth.
What I love is that He offers the same to everyone! He is near this minute with His hand extended so He can walk with anyone who chooses to let Him in.
I believe it was Hudson Taylor [a pioneering missionary to China who founded the China Inland Mission (CIM)] who said:
- The work seems impossible;
- Then it is difficult;
- Then it is done.
I say, be patient. When the healing comes, it is indeed done.
Fill Up With His Word. Let Him love you, show you what love truly is, and be in a relationship with Him. Let him satisfy you.
Fill Voids With Jesus. Don’t fill your voids with people, sex, drugs or alcohol. The voids were planted there to be filled with Jesus!
He Loves You. You will see He loves you, that you are precious to Him, and you have purpose in Him.