According to Andy Stanley, these verses from 1 Corinthians 13 are historically used for marriage vows; yet they were established as a guideline for us to love people.
I want to share the points he made which are critical for us to understand to know what this looks like and how to apply it!
The health of all relationships flows out of how we trust people! This will be determined on two things:
1. What we see
2. Who we are
Trust verses from this scripture
Verses 5-6
“Love delights in those doing the right thing”
verse 7
“Love always protects, hopes and perseveres”
1. Love protects the relationship – when it is the hardest, do everything to trust
2. Hope is the explanation of that
3. Love believes and endures all things
Summary is LOVE BENDS!
1.It gives the other person the benefit of the doubt
2. It always looks for the most generous explanation
3. Love chooses trust over suspicion
The core of great relationships is TRUST
WE all have expectations and experiences. But what is in the middle of those?
I love how Andy put it that there is a gap there and WE CHOOSE what to do in that gap
When we find ourselves seeing behavior that causes a gap, what do we do? WE CHOOSE–If we CHOOSE TRUST (Believing the Best) that is love. LOVE BENDS!
Andy shared much more . . .
Summary –
LOVE BENDS – DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO TO YOU. Luke 6:31
When you can’t choose to trust, LOVE CONFRONTS, but not in a mean way. Only through a loving, respectful, kind and gentle way!
Go to the person, share that you want to trust them, you want to understand and you keep the door open to the relationship.
If we do nothing, anger develops internally and becomes embedded to the point the relationship is severed. A wise man will BEND!
Five points Jesus asks us to commit to:
1. When you see the gap – I will believe the best
2. When Others assume the worst about you- I will come to your defense
3. If trust is eroding by experience – I will come directly to you
4. When I cant keep a promise – I will let you know ahead of time
5. When you confront me about gaps I have created – I’m going to tell you the truth!
These are great commitments for each of us to make.
THE FOUNDATION OF ALL RELATIONSHIPS IS TRUST!
3 Comments on Trust is the Foundation
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I know this much to be true of love: Without TRUST and RESPECT eventually LOVE will die. A strong statement? Perhaps. But I am completely certain of it, as I lived and experienced it firsthand. When TRUST is broken, for whatever reason, be it between Man & Wife, Mother & Daughter, or between Friends, the relationship starts to crumble. It is IMPOSSIBLE to sustain a loving, healthy relationship with one you cannot trust. And if you continue to stay in such a relationship, eventually the one who has lost your trust will continue to show you again and again that they are NOT trustworthy. They are NOT WORTHY of your TRUST! You will eventually lose RESPECT for this person. If you do not confront and deal with the lack of trust and eventual lack of respect you feel in such a relationship, you will eventually begin to lose respect for yourself! It goes against everything that is good, honest and true to try to sustain a relationship with another who has broken trust over and over! It’s so dysfunctional and is in such discord with every fiber of our being to allow a person to break the bonds of TRUST over and over again! Any relationship based on a foundation without TRUST and RESPECT is doomed to failure! There can be no real sustainable LOVE in a relationship without TRUST & RESPECT. I love and agree with every word of this latest blog, Allison. And I speak from personal experience of trying to maintain and stay in a relationship with someone who broke the bonds of trust many times over! Our Loving Lord will show us the real TRUTH of any situation. We need only to ask Him for confirmation……….if that is what we need. If someone you love has shown behavior that breaks the bond of trust between you, God will eventually show you all you need to make the right decision. Depending on the particulars of the relationship and who it is with, you must decide to make boundaries for the relationship or you may have to end it altogether. If you’ve a relationship with Christ, He will NOT allow another to continually break the bond of trust, without showing you, opening your eyes to the truth. Unfortunately, we often ignore God’s attempts to free us from bad relationships. Usually due to our own denial.
Let me clarify that what I am talking about above is a relationship with a person who continually acts out or has behaviors that totally break the bond of trust in the relationship over and over. Someone who repeatedly breaks that trust and is never contrite or open or honest about it. Someone who refuses to face the truth and has little to no regard for your feelings or pain they cause by the actions they continue to take that have broken the bond of trust between you again and again. A person who takes no responsibility for his/her actions and continually repeats the betrayal/actions over and over.
Thanks for your comments and perspective Janet. Many people do not realize that in the early Biblical days, the reason divorce was established was due to mistreatment of women by their husbands. The married men were unfaithful and finding other women, leaving their wives on the streets and destitute. In that culture, when a man was done with a woman, he could just leave her and go find another one. The woman was labeled and left with nothing, usually resorting to life in the streets as an outcast. Divorce was established out of protection for women. The purpose was to stop men from leaving them with nothing and as outcasts. Divorce was for protection!
Today there are so many abusive relationships. It is not much different than the way it was before. Women are hiding from men to keep themselves from further harm. Separating in a time of violence is a healthy decision. Staying in the chaos, one may find themselves beat down emotionally or physically. Many times, one cannot see that he needs counsel. Some reasons we end up in these types of relationships is because A) we don’t know true love B) we have been deeply wounded previously or C) we have been rejected and want to fit in.
It is very sad, but real. Any wise person will advise one in danger to remove themselves from the situation. Only the people living in the circumstances know the truth about what is going behind closed doors. Most who abuse seem to be charming, eloquent and giving. The good news is that all people who suffer from this or any other type of affliction, can find healing through God, if they seek it.