When I was in my early 20’s, I began what became a 5-year career of working for a bank. I began as a teller, but first I was required to go to teller training. This is where we were taught policies, procedures, balancing our drawer and effective ways to communicate with our customers. In addition to learning these very important aspects of banking during our training, we handled a lot of money. (more…)
According to Andy Stanley, these verses from 1 Corinthians 13 are historically used for marriage vows; yet they were established as a guideline for us to love people.
I want to share the points he made which are critical for us to understand to know what this looks like and how to apply it!
The health of all relationships flows out of how we trust people! This will be determined on two things:
1. What we see
2. Who we are
Trust verses from this scripture
Verses 5-6
“Love delights in those doing the right thing”
verse 7
“Love always protects, hopes and perseveres”
1. Love protects the relationship – when it is the hardest, do everything to trust
2. Hope is the explanation of that
3. Love believes and endures all things
Summary is LOVE BENDS!
1.It gives the other person the benefit of the doubt
2. It always looks for the most generous explanation
3. Love chooses trust over suspicion
The core of great relationships is TRUST
WE all have expectations and experiences. But what is in the middle of those?
I love how Andy put it that there is a gap there and WE CHOOSE what to do in that gap
When we find ourselves seeing behavior that causes a gap, what do we do? WE CHOOSE–If we CHOOSE TRUST (Believing the Best) that is love. LOVE BENDS!
Andy shared much more . . .
Summary –
LOVE BENDS – DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO TO YOU. Luke 6:31
When you can’t choose to trust, LOVE CONFRONTS, but not in a mean way. Only through a loving, respectful, kind and gentle way!
Go to the person, share that you want to trust them, you want to understand and you keep the door open to the relationship.
If we do nothing, anger develops internally and becomes embedded to the point the relationship is severed. A wise man will BEND!
Five points Jesus asks us to commit to:
1. When you see the gap – I will believe the best
2. When Others assume the worst about you- I will come to your defense
3. If trust is eroding by experience – I will come directly to you
4. When I cant keep a promise – I will let you know ahead of time
5. When you confront me about gaps I have created – I’m going to tell you the truth!
These are great commitments for each of us to make.
THE FOUNDATION OF ALL RELATIONSHIPS IS TRUST!
I can recall the precise moment when I realized how much God loves me. It was the most fulfilling day of my life and the beginning of many more. I recall feeling so empty and alone before I knew His love. My defining moments were at the beginning of a new year and the end of another life.
It was New Year’s Day and I was taking down the Christmas tree ornaments one by one from the tree, singing along with worship music as I was working. I love to sing and though that is not one of my better talents, I was singing out from my heart. I was alone in the house and I had climbed up a ladder to remove some of the ornaments out of my reach. Once I reached the third step of the ladder, something happened inside of me and a flood of emotions and tears began to spill from my heart and eyes. I climbed down the ladder as quickly as possible and sat in a chair. In that very moment, I began desperately calling out to God to help me and save me from my empty heart that was so heavy and broken to pieces. I told Him I couldn’t do this “life thing” alone anymore and that I needed Him to walk with me, to show me how to live and lead me in my life.
I had realized how my life before was so opposed to Him, and how much He must have been hurting as He watched over me all those years, longing for me to come to Him. I am certain He would have said to me how much better my life could be with Him. Not easier, but better and fuller with more meaning and purpose. I had reached a point of realization and recognition of my sinful life; and that no matter what I tried, doing things on my own was no longer working. My life was a complete mess and it was due to me continuously choosing the wrong path without being aware of it. Going through a divorce at the same time confirmed even more that I had not made wise choices for my life. I wasn’t a bad person; at least I didn’t think so.
What I recognized that day was that I did not have the human capacity to choose the right ways or do the best things, no matter how intelligent or analytical I was. I learned that without letting go of the control, and letting God have my life completely, that I would remain in that current state of emptiness. What I realized and had revelation of was that I was God’s child and even more so, that He loved me no matter what I had done. He had sacrificed His own Son’s life so that I could be forgiven. I remember feeling such sorrow for the way I had hurt Him. How could I have done things so opposed to all He represents?
That wasn’t all, I realized through reading His Word that He literally raised His Son, Jesus Christ, from the dead! He brought him back to life and He ascended to heaven after three days to reign at the right hand of God at the throne in heaven! When I looked at my own life, I then realized that He was offering me the same opportunity. I was being offered a chance to put my old life behind me with my sins forgiven and remembered no longer, and to begin to learn about Him and His truth, His love and His justice. Believing this and putting my trust in Him would start a transformation in me that would change everything. I had no clue what was next. There were trials and hardships to overcome, but I knew, that because I was His child, I was an over comer, therefore I sought above all else to press on to know Him deeper. As I grew to know Him deeper I became more like Him, not perfect, no one except Him is perfect, but my life began to change. My perspective changed, my heart began to soften, to heal and to allow Him to fill me up. I began to reach out to be there for other people in need, to put them first, to spend my time on things that were worthy of His honor, not things that were opposed to Him and would wither and die. I am telling you, this God that we have hears us when we call out to Him and He will answer us. It may not be exactly what we want to hear, it may be a no or a wait; but He will answer and He will do what is precisely the very best for us in the exact timing it needs to be done. He knows our hearts better than we know them ourselves. Him doing everything in His timing causes us to learn to depend on Him more and more, deeper and deeper, until that is all we know, a work always in process. Dependency upon Him and time with Him creates a new life from a life that was once dead, but is now raised in Christ as a new creation.
An intimate and personal relationship with Jesus Christ is unlike any other relationship. No matter where you go wrong, no matter what ails you, no matter how much you hurt, He will be there to guide you when you earnestly call out to Him. That is called unconditional love. There is not one human on this earth that can offer that to another in his own strength. Sure we can come close, but we don’t meet the mark because we are human. Why do you think we call the dog man’s best friend? Could it be because a dog cannot talk back or tell us how bad or disappointing we are to them?
God meets us where we are, loves us where we are and begins a work in us from a heart of love that was there at our creation. He is the Truth and He tells it in such a way of grace that we keep running back to Him for more. Why do we keep going back to Him? He designed us to need Him. He is our Creator and He buried deep inside of us an innate desire to know Him and His love. He loved us first! He gave His own Son’s life for us! When we open our hearts to believe that truth, submit our lives to Him and invite Him to be our every thing, we will begin to see what it means to truly be loved and how to love well. It is through His love that loving ourselves and others well happens. I am a living-breathing testament to this truth. I hope you too can be.
I had someone say to me recently, “You are nice to everyone, how do you do that? How can you be nice to the people who have been so hurtful toward you in the past? How do you put the bitterness and anger in its place?” My response was that,” If I continue to hold bitterness and anger in my heart toward others, it only hurts me. It causes me sickness, worry, and heartache. It causes my heart to be hard and empty. I said that I had lived more than half of my life that way and I choose not to live that way anymore. I am free from that now, I will not go back and live in the past.” That was a long way to say, which I should have said in that moment, “How can I be unforgiving to someone and not extend grace to him or her, when I know so deeply the grace which God has freely imparted to me. I desire to live in that grace every moment and I would never choose to go back. God takes care of every injustice, that is His place, not ours.” God is love; when we love others through the filter of our experiences and knowing His truth, we will reflect the love of Him into others hearts!
Through His truth He has promised to protect us, guide us and provide our needs, as well as promising the assurance of reigning with Him eternally in His Kingdom. Do you have that assurance today? Are you in need of a Savior that will love you no matter what you have done? You have one with His hands extended to you right now, inviting you to know Him. When we invite Jesus into our hearts for the strength to be all He wants us to be, we will recognize our wrong ways and turn away from them and as we follow His lead He will make a way!. He will not fail us. He is the God of yesterday, today and tomorrow. He is unchanging. He is truth, love and grace. He is the great I AM!
If you have read this far, perhaps this has touched your heart. God may be pursuing you vehemently. I am praying for you that you will open your heart and let Him in. If you are willing to let go of the control and open your heart to Him, ask Him to take hold of your head, your heart, your eyes and ears, your hands and feet and lead you into all He has for you, to show you the truth and to enable you, by the power of the gift of the Holy Spirit, to persevere, stand firm and become all He desires you to be. Read His Word in the Bible, connect with others who truly love Jesus and share His amazing grace together bringing glory and honor to His name!
I wish you a Happy New Year! I pray that your year is filled with the peace, joy and love, available to us, only through the Son of God, Jesus Christ.
I will be leaving soon for Haiti. I have read and heard many of the stories of the devastation and unbelievable circumstances I will witness on this journey. Many people think I am brave for leaving the safety of my country and going into one that is in such chaos and turmoil.
I am not brave; I am confident. I am not restless; I am at peace. I am not fearful; I am courageous. I am not doubtful; I am trusting. However, I need to make it abundantly clear that all of my confidence, peace, courage and trust are from our God.
About three years ago I had a friend go on her first-ever mission trip to Africa. She was very afraid, but when she arrived there she no longer thought about herself and all of her fears. She began to embrace the beauty of the people and the hearts of those who were so thirsty for love. She has been on several mission trips since that time and shares with me that there is nothing more rewarding and fulfilling than seeing the love of God in the children’s eyes.
I look forward to fulfilling a dream that I’ve had since I was a young girl. When I was about 11 or 12 years old I would watch Sally Struthers as she stood in the slums of other countries and advocated for “Feed the Children.” Oh, how my heart desired to send money to the aid of those children. I was delighted when I had the honor of being chosen to represent our congregation when I was about 14 years old as an exchange student on mission in Mexico. It was an incredible trip and one I will never forget. But all those memories and desires got lost somewhere deep inside as I grew older and took my life into my own hands.
Suddenly over the past few years, the yearning has returned. I thought I was headed to Africa, which didn’t happen, and then I thought I would be traveling to Turkey this past September, but that didn’t work out either. There was discussion of another trip to Africa with a group of my friends, but it didn’t come together for me. Now, here I am, headed to Haiti, and I couldn’t feel more honored to make this mission. I didn’t know it would turn out this way; that I would be journeying to the most impoverished country in the Western Hemisphere. I didn’t know that immediately after I purchased my airline ticket, there would be an outbreak of cholera that would be slowly moving toward the capital city where I will be traveling. Here is the amazing and wonderful thing about it, I am at peace. I am at peace knowing God is with me. I walk in His love; I thirst to walk with Him into the places and lives to which He leads me. James 1:27 shares with us that “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” The Bible shows us that orphans and widows hold one of the most precious and softest spots of the Lord’s heart. I am grateful for the opportunity to serve God in this mission. I am thankful that I get to be a vessel of His love and light in a country that has all but lost its hope. I know God doesn’t need me to accomplish what He wants. I know nothing is too hard for Him; but I know too, how much He loves for His children to come together to share His incredible love with the world.
I could not be making this journey if I did not believe that God is who He says He is, He can do what He says He can do, I am who God says I am, I can do all things through Christ’s strength and God’s Word lives in me! Five years ago, I would have said you were absolutely insane if you told me I would be making this trip. I couldn’t even walk out of my flat in Australia for all my fears at that time! Today, I am alive and nothing matters about what I do except to bring Him glory and honor by living for Him out of His strength. This is how God’s love has changed my life. It may not be the same for you; we are each uniquely designed and a masterpiece in the eyes of our God to be used for His glory!
Perhaps your mission field is your neighborhood, your community, your school or your work. Have you traveled to a foreign country for missions? What about another state? What is it that pulls your heartstrings and creates a desire for you to share God’s love with others? Is it through mission trips or daily missions in your life? Where ever it is, trust that God is with you every step of the way and will clear the obstacles for His will.
“Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation.” Mark 16:15 (NIV)
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 (NIV)
I remember very well the afternoon I met him. I considered myself to be looking pretty good; my hair was freshly washed and smelling great, you know that smell. My makeup was meticulously applied and I felt beautiful. I had been to church earlier that day, so when I received the phone call from my girlfriend to meet her and another friend to sit outside on the patio for lunch at Cabo Wabo’s, I quickly said, “Yes!” I was excited to see her and be out socializing. I’m sure somewhere in my mind I thought I might meet Prince Charming too!
I hurried home to change my clothes and very carefully chose a pair of black shorts and white t-shirt. I also chose a pair of 70’s style open-toe clogs- you know, the ones with the wooden sole. I was pleased with the way I looked, and it showed through the spring in my step.
I jumped in my car with great anticipation of the afternoon to come, without having any idea what would come. After greeting my friends and ordering water, I excused myself to the restroom. I had been observing that most of the girls there were minus an important undergarment, and because of my great need to fit in, what did I do? Yep, I followed and removed mine! Upon exiting from the restroom, I passed by this gorgeous man whom had already caught my attention when I first arrived. He stopped me and asked me my name, told me how beautiful I was and after we flirted for a moment, I excused myself.
The time with my friends was good. We listened to one another’s sagas and tried to resolve world problems. After a fattening lunch of yummy fat french fries and hot wings, we decided to share a pitcher of margaritas. I had never been much of a drinker, so it didn’t take much for the alcohol to begin its affects on me. A mid-afternoon lunch quickly turned into a late evening dance party with the very attractive man. Intoxicated, laughing, dancing and singing felt great and they were a welcome distraction from the life of single mom, career and homeowner responsibilities.
As closing time approached, the gorgeous guy, asked me why someone as beautiful and fun as me was not married. My answer, “Been there, done that, not interested.” From that moment began a two-and-a-half year tumultuous relationship, between a guy that looked great on the outside and a gal that had everything in the right places, but on the inside, both were broken to pieces and on the prowl for someone to love.
As much as I began to care for and love him, my love came from a place of old wounds, which had not healed or had the attention so desperately needed. After a short time, we ended up living together, he moved in with me. His humor and silliness were complimentary to my serious personality. After time, I began to recognize I had made a terrible mistake, I had taken another child to raise in addition to my two daughters, ages six and eleven at the time.
We all went through very tough times. He knew no boundaries and I expected him to be everything and meet every need for my girls and me. Because I was living out of deep wounds from my past and my inability to see my own waywardness, I was restricted from realizing was broken before it ever started. Eventually, the lens we each lived life from took control of us and we parted ways, leaving pieces of our hearts with one another.
Fast forward 13 years, when I returned to the United States from Australia. I was alone, completely broken and in a marriage that was falling apart. I had not seen or spoken with this gorgeous guy other than a time when he tried to get me to meet him out, a few other times when he called to tell me about exciting events in his life and a meeting with him to handle some legal documents! It was now December and thirteen years later while I was convalescing at my mom’s after an emotional crash with a probable divorce on the horizon that he made another appearance in my life.
It was early one morning that he showed up at the door. Mom was still sleeping and I was the only other person there. I opened the door and politely invited him in. He didn’t look at all like I remembered. In fact, after great reflection on this day, I realize it wasn’t him that had changed, it was me. He wanted to be close . . . he was touchy and I was very uncomfortable continuously moving out of his reach. Ten years earlier, I would have jumped at the chance to be with him. That day, I couldn’t wait to get away from him. I took my stand and claimed my boundaries. He reluctantly withdrew and after I strategically moved us outside we said our goodbyes.
When I look back at this event in my life and carry it forward, I realize how much I have changed. I realize this was a test of my commitment to God and not to yield to temptation. Today, I see how God was showing me I can do all things through His strength, but I have to choose.
I believe God strategically arranged the timing of my visit with him. I had recently come to God in deep sorrow for the ways I had hurt Him in my previous life and asked Him to help me live right. I gave my whole heart to God to reshape, reform and renew and as a result I had a deep desire to honor Him. Because of the exciting physical relationship previously shared between the gorgeous guy and me, I could have taken this perfect opportunity to become engaged with him again. Instead, there was something greater in my life and I chose to honor my commitment to God and myself. It rattled me, it put me on a fence, but the victory was won and I overcame through choosing to depend on Christ’s strength.
The difference in these two times was the foundation for my life. I no longer sought my value and worth to be filled through a man. My house was being built on solid rock and I knew my Father in heaven was the only opinion that mattered. Out of my love for Him, it was my wish to bring honor and glory to His name. I am amazed at the way this story happened in my life, more about the way I was shown clearly how God was in the finest details of this entire situation for more than 13 years and I didn’t really see it until after the fact!
What consequences have you suffered by not allowing yourself time to heal before jumping into a new relationship?
Have you seen events that have come full circle in your life where you are able to give God the glory?
I pray for you that you will begin to see the goodness and greatness of God in your life. Ask Him to show you and He will my friend. I am living proof!
How great is our God!