It wasn’t anything I did.  It was not from my strength or my effort at all.  I had no control over what was happening to my life and me anymore. This time I would not win the battle of being in control over myself.  I had chosen before not to be involved in certain activities I believed were bad for me, but mostly because I didn’t want to be out of control of my life. I had a long history of making sure I made decisions ensuring I would be in control of my life.

My part of this was over. I would no longer be the one making the decisions for my life. It looked awful, I left everything I had and the one man I thought loved me more than life itself. I had no idea what was happening and it was very scary. I traveled more than ten thousand miles alone, hoping to get where I was going in safety, knowing that I was deeply suffering a takeover in my life. In retrospect, four years later, I see that I was brought to my knees. I was being hotly pursued by God, who would not take no for an answer. He was drawing me to Him and the closer I got, even though I did not understand, the more I wanted to be closer!

I will never forget that day and the freedom that washed over me. I had lived the past with so much guilt and shame and such a deep sense of unworthiness that when I received this amazing gift of freedom, I knew that it had to be something greater than myself. It was like every weight that had held me back was lifted off of me. I did not have the stress and anxiety from all the circumstances surrounding my life. It really was like a miracle to me. I was going through one of the hardest times in my life and I had this sense of peace I cannot describe in words.

I became so thirsty too. You know the commercials they used to run for Bounty® paper towels? They would pour two pools of water on the counter and use Bounty® paper towels and another leading brand to show how much more absorbent bounty towels were. It was like I was a Bounty® paper towel on speed! I was so thirsty to learn about God. I spent hours, months, years buried in the Bible, seeking to know Him on a deeper level.

I wanted to be around other people who had gone through the same experience that I did and I prayed that God would bring those people into my life. He blessed my life immensely by bringing people into my life that had received this same gift. We all began to study together, sing together, praise and show love toward God together. The more I read God’s Word, the more I knew me. Knowing more about myself helped me to understand why I had gone through the circumstances that I had and even more so, why God had chosen to rescue me from the life that brought me such pain. Through learning about Him, I learned my life’s purpose.

Though I grew up attending church a minimum of three days a week, had the privilege of going to a Christian school and college and I married those who professed to be Christians, I never knew what the true meaning of being a Christian was until God rescued me from myself. Really, to me that is what it is all about. He is the One who created us, He knows everything about us, our needs, our thoughts, our desires; but we think we know better, so guess what? Because God offers free will, He allows us to walk this path of destruction until one day we are at such a low point and in such a state of desperation that we fall on our knees and say, okay Lord . . . Enough, I’m yours, take me, I can’t do this anymore, I surrender, I’m sorry, please just help me!

Our life continues, but this part of the journey is now with God at the helm as we choose to follow His lead. The gift of freedom from the life of our past is great, and we are amazed by it, but we soon realize that what we did against God was so hurtful to Him and we go through a metamorphic sense of remorse turning us from all the things we used to do out of a heart of love for Him!  This time we have this super strength that we did not have before because we are depending on Christ for our strength, not ourselves.

As God’s children, the promises to us are many. The biggest part of those promises being fulfilled is believing God! Many believe in Him, but those who believe Him for who He is, what He can do, who we are in Him, that He is our strength, and His words truly become alive and active in us, will see God’s faithfulness to His promises.

Through reading His word, we become wiser and are able to share the love He gives us with a confidence that is once again indescribable. It is not an arrogance; it is actually a confidence with humility! We are able to determine a better and more fulfilling way to live and our eyes are opened to a new perspective that only God can provide to us.

The most amazing and faith-building part of it is that everything we have done that was opposed to Him is taken and used for good so others may see how Almighty, Magnificent and Glorious He is. He does it all in such a beautiful way that the finger points to Him through our lives! That is how He then uses us as tools for Him!

Salvation is freedom. Salvation is assurance that we will live in communion with God forever. Salvation is knowing that God loves us without reservation and there is nothing we can do to earn that love. It is a free gift! We learn to accept His gifts and His love. From that love, He heals our wounds, the wounds of those in our families, our neighbors and those who are in our circle of influence.  We begin to have a passion to know His heart and desire only to be filled with His desires, not our own. He has brought us home and we receive what is a glimpse of the promise of remaining with him eternally, knowing we are always a work in progress. We know that all things in our lives are perfectly orchestrated by the Creator of this world. We know that with Him we can overcome. We know that there is nothing that can stop us if God is for us and we have a confidence, a peace, and a wisdom that others desire deeply. This is the salvation I have received.

I work now for God each day in all I do. It is the most amazing life I have ever had and I look forward to the day when I can ask why I had to go through almost 40 years of stubbornness, arrogance and self-righteousness before I would let Him take control of my life.

The experiences I had in my past life are now turned around working for God. I offer a support group for women going through relationship brokenness that stems from abuse and addiction. I write and speak to share the truth about Jesus Christ and I am a Certified Christian Life Coach. I do all this out of a heart of love, knowing that there are others out there just like me, who need someone to keep them focused while holding them accountable. In this way many others will know Him deeper and grow to be all that God created them to be!

Our God is great, He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow and I am a living, walking, breathing example of one of His true miracles!