What is Wrong With Me?

In 2006 I left behind a life of brokenness, pain and emptiness and was brought under the wing of our mighty and glorious God.  Though I had no clue what was happening at the time, I wrote down all the emotions and pain I was experiencing the day before I boarded a plane to travel 10,000 miles back to my family, friends, and church. Though I had no idea how I got from point A to point B, but I believe it was by the hand of our magnificent Creator! Praises and Glory to Him forever and ever!

Sick

Feel My Spirit is crushed

Can’t write feelings down because not private

Nothing personal at all in my life

Nothing that defines me surrounds me

Spiraling out of control

Cannot perform a menial task without forcing myself

Despise this place I live

Do not have intimacy

Feel exhausted

Tired and lonely

Cannot “take care” of everyone – not even me

Feel betrayed

The trust is broken

Drinking and partying goes on

The affairs and alcohol have broken my heart

Do not know what is wrong with me

Feel out of touch with life and who I am

Can’t wait for the night, then can’t wait for the day

Everyday is an effort to survive

No where to have space

Can’t go outside, afraid

Obsessed with appearance

Feel detached

Miss the laughter

Not validated

Here with me, but not

Always looking at everyone else, but not me

No conversation-just surface

Doesn’t listen to me

Too much to handle

Scared, lonely, so, anxious, homesick

Where is Allie?